BY JONATHAN HANLEY AND MADDY MORIARTY
Welcome to round 1 of the annual mock-Bachelorette competition brought to Mariemont High School by the Warpath. Five male students will compete to win the heart of this year’s senior bachelorette, Haley Jacobs, as announced in our previous article.
This is the first of three elimination rounds following written interviews with the contestants. After each round, Haley will choose who moves on based on their answers, until only one bachelor remains.
Viewers will have the opportunity to grant one contestant immunity by voting on the front page poll, based on the contestant’s background videos and round one responses. The poll will close on Wednesday at 12:15pm EST. Out of the four remaining bachelors, Haley will choose who moves on, and the two who will be sent home.
1) Where would you go to eat? (Expensive or cheap, etc.)
2) What would you do after the date? (Casual or fancy, etc.)
3) What impression do you want to leave on Haley?/What do you want her to realize about you?
4) What would be your car playlist? (3 songs, explain your choices)
1) I would take the lovely Haley to a casual dinner, something with class but not too fancy…Rally’s or White Castle could be good. That way we would be less focused on our surroundings and more focused on getting to know each other.
2) Post-dinner we would chat for a while and take in the ambiance of the place. Then, we would depart for a brisk walk or perhaps a jog around Kusel to get the blood flowing after such a high-sodium intake. I am all about personal wellness.
3) I would want Haley to realize that humor is important and essential to who I am. I would also include that my ability to make her laugh has been scientifically proven to maker her live longer.
4) First thing is first, I don’t choose the music. Anyone who knows Haley is aware of her vast knowledge of the hip-hop genre as she is able to recite a plethora of lyrics on command and always knows what the cool kids are listening to. Therefore, upon entering the car I would surrender the aux chord to her immediately. As we ended the night however I may possibly add in some crunchy beats of my own — choices contingent on the mood.
Haley’s Response:
1) Maybe a little bit fancier than Rally’s or White Castle, but hey I do love Rally’s french fries.
2) Interesting answer, but I do think I would feel much better about myself after a jog.
3) A sense of humor is a must!
4) Best answer so far! I’m happy Alex understands my need of being in charge of the aux, hopefully I don’t set the car on fire on the way to Rally’s.
Albert Nowitzki – 17 (Junior/Senior??)
1) I would take Haley to the McDonald’s in the airport for the real American experience.
2) Afterwards we’d get on a jet and make a quick trip to my home in Berlin. I’d take her to the Brandenburger Tor and then to the top of the Fernsehturm, where we’d eat a romantic dinner while over looking the city. Then we’d try some of Berlin’s specialty snacks. Of course I’d charge everything on Haley’s credit card because of gender equality.
3) That I’m a nice, caring, and generous young man. Also I want to realize that Berlin is 1,000 times better than Terrace Park.
4) Sido-Mein Block since it is such a romantic song, Jack Sparrow by Left Boy, and Trap Queen by Fetty Wap for obvious reasons.
Haley’s Response:
1) Hmm that’s not really the type of restaurant I’d pick for a first date, but I do love McDonald’s and airports so I’d go in with an open mind!
2) Definitely a step up from an airport Mcdonald’s, sounds very romantic and beautiful but I’m not paying on the first date….sorry I hope you brought your card just in case!
3) I love nice, generous, and caring men! I think I’ll take your word for Berlin being better than Terrace Park.
4) I’m not really sure what the first two songs are but I dig the third one.
Matthew Teeters – 17 (Junior)
1) Chuck E. Cheese’s
2) I would spend all of my tokens, winning the prize of her choice, or give all of my tokens to her if she would rather, and then go on a long walk to contemplate my decision of spending all my money at Chuck E. Cheese’s.
3) I want her to be impressed by my abilities at the various games and realize I am a fun guy who always does fun stuff.
4) I’d start out with Beethoven’s 4th symphony to calm down a bit after an exciting night. Next would be Darude Sandstorm because of the amazing lyrics. I would finish the night out with All-Star by Smash Mouth because my favorite movie is Shrek and its a classic.
Haley’s Response:
1) Eh…okay.
2) I think we could have a lot of fun picking out a prize, that’s the best part!
3) At first I was skeptical of the location choice, but it would show a fun side that I probably wouldn’t get to see at a dinner!
4) I love the third song and Shrek is a classic!
Connor Doughtery – 16 (Sophomore)
1) If I went on a date with Haley I would take her to eat at a romantic restaurant such as Red Robin. Kid’s cheese pizza and fries for dinner then for dessert I would take her back to her house for ice cream provided by her brothers Adam and Luke.
2) After we eat I would take Haley to Froggy’s Carwash because I find it romantic being trapped in a car with your love watching the soap and bubbles get pushed around on her car by the spinning cloth cleaners.
3) I want Haley to realize that the only reason that I went to Terrace Park Elementary and Mariemont High School is because of her. I wanted to follow my love for the rest of her life.
4) Our car playlist would include her theme song “Trap Queen” of course on repeat 3 times, because the song describes her wonderful personality. Next would be “Girls Just Wanna Have Fun” because Haley is just a girl who wants to have fun. The final song on our playlist would be a love song I wrote called “Haley.”
Haley’s Response:
1) Red Robin is my favorite place! But Luke and Adam would definitely not be involved…..
2) Interesting choice….but car washes are cool I guess.
3) That’s a little creepy, but at least I can tell you’re committed.
4) The playlist is great! I’m excited to hear your original song. It better be good!
Matt McGrory – 15 (Freshman)
1) I would take Haley to go eat at a fine dining establishment such as the Precinct because I am a classy guy and a classy guy eats at classy places. The Precinct has great steak and exemplary service.
2) After dinner I would go to a live performance of a local band down in Washington Park where we could relax and be serenaded by smooth jazz.
3) After this experience I want Haley to be thinking that I am someone who enjoys the finer things in life. I am a man who values nice quality experiences and making lasting memories.
4) If I could only choose three songs for a playlist I would choose Give A Little Love by Noah And The Whale, The Girl by City and Colour, and Beggar in the Morning by the Barr Brothers. I would choose these songs because they would really set the mood for a nice enjoyable car ride.
Haley’s Response:
1) I love the idea of going to such a nice place! I can’t tell from that response…..is Matt a classy guy?
2) Sounds awesome! I’ve always wanted to hangout at Washington Park!
3) I’m all about making memories!
4) Wish I knew these songs, but I trust your judgement!
**UPDATE**
Matt McGrory has emerged victorious after a neck-and-neck battle for immunity on the fan poll. Haley has chosen, and Matthew Teeters will be sent home. Better luck next year Matthew.
